Step/Week 1, Day 2 – Denial and Powerlessness: Failures from the Past
May 6, 2020 2459
“Since we have a huge crowd of men of faith watching us from the grandstands, let us strip off anything that holds us back, especially those sins that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up; and let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us” (Heb. 12:1, TLB).
God has a unique plan for our lives. A plan that is good and keeps us in the freedom He wants us to share. Too many of us see God as a punishing dictator who judges us all based on His specific performance criteria. Is this who God really is or is it who we have been told that He is?
I was surprised to come into the light from the darkness I was living in, to find that it was not God who kept me in the dark, but it was me! I believe that sin is its own punishment and when I look at my past through this lens, I can see clearly that I was the jailer of my own prison. It was my highly critical perception of myself and others that kept me blind to the truth of God’s wonderful freedom.
I realised that all I had to do was to make a choice to turn on the light, God’s light. God wasn’t keeping me in the dark, I was. It was comfortable in the dark because no one could see me, especially myself, but you know what: God sees all, even in the dark. I totally lost my identity in the judgement of myself and others so much so that I didn’t want to live anymore. That was a terrible situation to be in and it wasn’t God’s plan for my life.
So, what was the remedy? Well, all I had to do was make a decision to turn on the light and let God’s light illuminate my life. To be willing to recognize my sins and let God forgive me, as I patiently walk the path that God has marked out for me. A path that will lead to recovery. God never wastes a hurt, ever.
– Graham Hood
Personal Reflection: Can you identify a past failure that makes you cringe? If so, give it to God and let His light shine on it and receive His love that He has for you. Be patient; God is at work in your life. Trust Him!
Stacy R Forsyth
Sep 26, 2023
I am working on forgiving myself for not being the mother that my children deserved. After the birth of my second child, I would have the worst muscle spasms in my back. I went to the doctor and was prescribed "the holy grail" as I was later told. Lorcet, Xanax, and Soma. I took the pills for 3 years as prescribed. Then one day, I took a mixture of those 3 and I absolutely fell in love. I tried to find that feeling again,very unsuccessfully, I might add. I had a husband that I thought truly loved me because He made sure that I never ran out of my meds. He would go to the doctor and get the same prescriptions that I was getting and happily kept me drugged to my eyeballs. It took me a really long time to realize that He was using the pills as a way to control me. What would make someone knowingly turn the woman they confess to love into a drug addict. I can not remember years and the memories that I do have are fuzzy. I had 5 DUI's and spent many months in jail on probation violations. I was prescribed the pills for over 17 years. I lost every job that I had, I lost my children, I lost my family. I was in love with the pills, more than anything else in life. I have lost so many years and I am tired of giving and giving all of my time and energy hoping to have a partner that loves me. I am going to start loving myself. I believe that Jesus forgives us for our sins, if we ask for forgiveness. I believe that I have to forgive others for hurting me, if I want Jesus to forgive me. I forgive James Crymes for hurting me. Lord, help me to forgive him so that I may be forgiven. I let go of the hurt and pain that I have held onto for so long. I prayed that I would not be like the other women in my family. I did not want to hold on to hatred. I did not want to poison myself. I believe that holding onto pain and hatred makes a person sick. It will eat at you, just like "C". I refuse to give James the power to ruin the rest of my life. I have already given so much time away. Living in the past, thinking of the "what ifs", wishing things were different. I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be. God does not make mistakes. I had to walk down the path that led me to where I needed to be. I am here God. I believe that you want only the best for me, that you want me to live a prosperous life. Be rich in the word of God, revel in the knowledge that God has got you in his hands. I embrace the lover of my soul, the keeper of my secrets, my best friend- God! I thank you for your daily devotions as I start on the path to recovery. Please keep me and my loved ones in your prayers.