Disappointed with God
Apr 1, 2019 2259
Recently, I’ve realised that I’m disappointed with God. That sounds bizarre given that I’m a card-carrying, out-in-the-public Christian!
I never thought I was disappointed with God. I thought I was as good as I could be with God.
But then why was it that in the most difficult moments of my lives, I despaired? Someone told me, “You say that God is always with you, yet in the most difficult moments of your life, you feel as if he isn’t.”
Now I realise that it’s because I’ve been disappointed with God. I haven’t become an atheist or anything like that. It’s something that’s happened deep within my heart.
Perhaps it’s because I saw my mother pray for years that she wouldn’t get dementia and that she wouldn’t end up in a nursing home. And she did.
Perhaps it’s because I prayed for years that my father would be reconciled to me. He wasn’t.
And because I don’t understand these things and others as well, somehow I’ve developed this deep, even subconscious belief that, while God is love, he doesn’t love meenough. He may be a God of wonders, but they’re not the wonders Ineed.
It’s like Mary, who was profoundly disappointed by Jesus after his beloved brother Lazarus had died. She said,
Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died(John 11:32, NIV).
Jesus doesn’t argue with Mary or justify himself, and he doesn’t rebuke Mary for her lack of faith. Instead, Jesus was deeply moved, and he wept. (vv.33–35).
Jesus weeps when we know and trust him so little that we become disappointed with him. It’s as if we were the puppet-master in the centre of the universe, and the Son of God were our puppet, expected to dance to our personal tune.
Let God be God, and just be his child.
To be disappointed with God can be a dangerous thing in our lives. We can become bitter and develop a simmering anger against God. It can even be an anger that is so deep within us that we dare not recognise it for what it is. All the while we gradually and unconsciously lose trust in God and rely more and more on ourselves.
It’s better to let God be God, and just be his child. That doesn’t mean that we ‘re giving up in frustration at the uncertainties and difficulties in life. Instead, it means to learn the goodness of God to such an extent that you are willing to trust him no matter what. It means to be willing to be his child.
Mary found out that God, through Jesus, was better than she had ever thought possible. She never dared to dream that God would raise her brother from the dad.
Not everything in your life will be easy, and some things will be very tough. But you’ll never be disappointed when you trust in Jesus. It may be one of the hardest lessons to learn in life, but it’s also the most rewarding.
– Eliezer Gonzalez